Next Up: The Tinky Winky Home Colonic Kit

Are you ready to put this in your “Bikini Bottom”?

I was shopping at the supermarket yesterday when I came upon a unique piece of Nickelodeon merchandising—a Spongebob Squarepants Musical Rectal Thermometer! Yes, it's musical. And yes, it's clearly marked for rectal use. It actually plays the Spongebob theme in your ass when your temperature is taken!


That's wrong on so many levels, but, at least, the lyrics make sense now:

Captain: Are you ready kids?
Kids: Aye-aye Captain.
Captain: I can't hear you…
Kids: Aye-Aye Captain!!
Captain: Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Captain: Who's pointy and lubed and probes young hineys!
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Captain: If nautical nonsense be something you wish…
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Captain: Then drop trou, bend over, and spread 'em like this!
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Captain: Ready?
EveryBody: SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!
Captain: SpongeBob… SquarePants! Haha.