"Not the Face. Anywhere, but the Face!"

This morning, I was assaulted by my cat in a way that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. My kitties and I have a morning routine that involves saying goodbye before I walk out the door. I was suited up, ready to go, and I walked over to my dresser to retrieve my keys. As usual, my male kitty was lounging on the dresser, waiting for him goodbye scratches. He stood up to give me my usual nuzzle goodbye, and then the most unholy of acts took place. The friendly feline stretched, and the force of his stretch caused his anal glands to express ... all over my face and in my mouth.

Kill me. I'd do it for you.