Dale Dobson's “MTV Books Presents: Romeo & Juliet”

Romeo Montague was the kind of boy other boys liked. And girls, too. Because he was smoking hot, with a bad-boy streetwise sense of justice and smoldering brown eyes under his dark knitted brows, like long, furry caterpillars made out of yarn. …

“You know what you need, Montague?”

Romeo's hot friend Mercutio asked him this question as they tooled through the streets of Verona in his fast Maserati and Bulgari shades, going really fast. Then he answered his own question, rhetorically.

“You need a little rough love, dude.”

They arrived at a major blowout party with hot valet parking, where Juliet Capulet was holding court over a room full of fawning admirers who were hot but not nearly as hot. They wanted her heat because she was extremely hot, like a Queen, and she had new fake tits. …

“Shit, bro!” shouted Romeo. “Juliet Capulet is smoking hot!” …

After the party, Juliet was super-ready for some hot action but Romeo had to leave because Montagues aren't supposed to date Capulets, …. She called for some local minstrels to play beneath her window because she liked the lead singer's style. It made her feel dreamy and woozy as she listened to the hit tunes and stared out the window into the dark, night-like after-dark nighttime.

The next morning, Romeo's beautiful long eyelashes fluttered as he woke up naked. His ribs rippled underneath his firm, masculine chest like long, bony barbecue ribs, and his arousal was intense and thick and throbbing and long and bony too. Because Juliet was so hot. So that night he went to her house and climbed in the bedroom window and nailed her.

The next day, Juliet's nurse could see that she had terrible fashion sense for someone with so much money and new implants, plus she was really depressed because Romeo was so hot but still he was a Montague and that sucked.

The nurse said, “Bitch, please! Get off your ass and go see the Apothecary.”


No, 'tis not so deep as a Coolio video, nor so wide as a Escalade; but 'tis enough,'twill serve.

God, I love the Classics.