Things You Don't Want to Hear During Sex: “The Baby Just Kicked”

Casual Sex Episode Three: Positions from Andrea Savage

Hey, I'm Rebecca. I'm single and eight-months pregnant; so, I've only got a couple of weeks to do everything I've never done: Kiss some women, travel, or look for a new hobby, learn how to tie interesting knots. In my case, I've never had a wild phase, so I'm just going to lay a lot of dudes.…

So, good news, I've finally found someone to have sex with me. His name is Cal. I met him at a party. He seems nice. And in honor of trying new things, I have decided to wax my lady parts, 'cause let's be honest, I haven't seen that area in months.…

[Later]

On that note, here we go:

Cal: Come on! Let's do this! Come on, big lady! Come on, come on! Give it up!.
[They high five, Rebecca, reluctantly.]
Yeah, now, come on over here.

Let's just backdoor this.

Rebecca: Okay.

Cal: Slow it down. Yeah.

Rebecca: That actually feels nice.

Cal: Yeah? You like that?

Rebecca: Yeah. Ooh.

Cal: All right. Coming in now.

Rebecca: OH! [in obvious pain] Fuck!

Cal: What?

Rebecca: Shit. Ah, okay. [bends over to lean on the bed for support.]

Cal: Oh, yeah! [obviously has the wrong idea]

Rebecca: No, no. [straightening up] No, no. I'm sorry. My boobs, they get really sore, and, um, they leak a little.

Cal: [clearly disgusted] Did you say, “Leak?”

Rebecca: I think, I'll probably feel more comfortable leaving this on for some support. So I hope that's not weird.

Cal: No problem: I totally get it. My shirt never comes off when I do The Nasty.

Rebecca: Really?

Cal: That's a fact. I've got a mole the size of a fist.

Rebecca: I'm okay with you leaving your shirt on.

Apparently, pregnant women lose half their pubic hair. Good to know.