I Just Don't Understand Kids Today

[Ahmed Abdullah al-Shaya] told Iraqi investigators this month that he wants revenge against the Iraqi terrorist network that sent him on the deadly mission that he survived....

Shaya moved to Baghdad in December to prepare for his final mission, which he expected to be as the suicide pilot of a bomb-laden car.

But on Dec. 24, he was given a preliminary job of driving a butane-gas delivery truck that was rigged with bombs. It wasn't suppose to be suicide mission.

"They asked me to take the truck near a concrete block barrier before turning to the right and leaving it there. There, somebody will pick up the truck from you," they told him. "But they blew me up in the truck," he says....

Shaya told interrogators that he regretted his mission now....

As for the Zarqawi network that sent him on the mission that left him permanently disfigured and in prison, he says, "I want revenge for what they have done to me."

Revenge? Oh, geez. So you've learned nothing from this whole went-on-the-wrong-suicide-mission, got-spat-from-a-giant-fireball-instead, and would-have-escaped-if-not-for-my-family's-premature-ejulation experience? Tsk, tsk, tsk, that's not sad. That's not sad at all.

Neither is the part where you expect us to sympathize with you because the Zarqawi network blew you up on this mission, instead of letting you drive a car bomb into Baghdad to "kill Americans, policemen, national guards and American collaborators" on your next.

What do you take us for? a Christian nation impregnate with the virtues of love, forgiveness, and redemption? You do? Well, Son, trust me, that's the concussion talking. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Fight through that mental fog and see if you can access the stuff they taught you in Zealot School. Can you do that? Good. Do you remember that stuff about us being The Great Satan? It's true, which means — and there's no good way to tell you this — you're fucked.

Your friends, obviously, wouldn't tell you that. That's why I stepped in. I didn't want you to get your hopes up.