They Called Her Mad at the Academy

It is one of the most fundamental -- and, for men, potentially hazardous -- questions of modern life, for which academics now hope to provide the definitive answer: 'Does my bum look big in this?'

The School of Textiles and Design at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh have begun what is believed to be the world's first-ever study on how women's clothing affects the bottom.

Models with variously sized posteriors will wear different types of clothing as part of the research, which will examine how designs, colours, patterns and fabric types affect perception.

Others will be asked to assess how big or small each model's backside appears to look in the outfits....

Four models had been chosen to provide a representative sample of female backsides, [Dr. Lisa] Macintyre said: the "standard", te full "pre-Raphaelite" type, the smaller backside of a slim model and a curvier behind, like the famed example of actress and singer Jennifer Lopez.

I am available to help you answer these, the most important questions of our times, Dr. Macintyre, and I am prepared to waive my usual consultant's fee. Call me.