Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

Survival Guide to Drunken New Year's Eve Sex

New Year's Sex Guide: Did you have sex with a man?

You: Chick/dick. Does that count?

NYSG: Uh, yes.

You: Am I gay?

NYSG: Who knows. Dude, what kind of party were you at?

I love that, because nothing says, "Happy New Year!" like regret, at least, not for me.

That said, if you're on the streets of Seattle tonight and you see a drunken, Biff-looking man heading toward his own personal crying game -- for the love of vagina! -- intervene. I'd do it for you.* I'm surprised I have to tell you this.

*Okay, I wouldn't. I'd most likely take pictures and bring this up anytime a drinking bout conversation took a "Remember that time you...?" turn. And we'd all have a laugh over your alcohol-induced misfortune, like we always do.

I know that sounds horrible, but that's because you're ignoring the fact that we're different. Accidentally going home with a trannie is funny when you do it, not so much when I do. See? Different.