McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Troubling Tyra Mails Censored From Aired Episodes of America's Next Top Model.

Forget all you think you know about post-Communist Russia and be prepared to do some serious reading and new-market brainstorming tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. —Tyra

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Vaseline can be a model's best friend. Be sure to wear underwear and make your way outside before the rooster calls in the east, for this shall be your comeuppance. —Tyra

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One of you bitches done stole my Fruit Roll-Ups. Heads will roll tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. sharp. —Y'all know my name

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Only one of you has what it takes to become America's Next Top Model. Be ready to be picked apart and crushed thoroughly by catty judges jealous of your womanhood tomorrow, for Judgment Day is upon you. Where's your God now? —Tyra

I ask myself that same question every time I see a commerial for that show.