I'd Like the Tostitos, Instead. Hold the Nut Punching

Never mind "Cool Ranch" or "Black Pepper Jack" Doritos -- all the cool kids eat "Swift Kick to the 'Nads'" Doritos!

Actually, those Doritos are even better than that if the writing on the bag is to be believed. I'm referring, of course, to the column of characters on the right-hand side of the bag. Now, if you know your Kanji like I know my Kanji, then you are illiterate, too, and have to rely on the translations in the comments section of the page, like I do. This, based on replies, is, either, "Black Pepper Salt" Doritos or "Revive You like a Vibrating Foot to the Wrinkled Fun Bag" Doritos.

From the same source, you learn that the vibrating foot to the gonads is just one more adorable fetish in the Land of the Rising Sun, and since that seems to jibe with the picture on the cover of the bag, I'm going with that.

Superior. Society.