Level 43 Cleric: Armed with Helmet of Disbelief and Blog of BullShit Detection Seeks Same

I am seeking a level 42 or above rogue, druid, and sorceress to help me assault the fortress of Mordria, and for hot kinky sex. I am the sole holder of the Axe of Fragyholt and am a level 72 Paladin equipped with Def+ 52 plate mail. I also have a really big penis. I can cast Magic Missile, Icebolt, and am a fairly skilled at cunnilingus. Indeed, Orcs and Goblins are no match for me, not unlike your unsuspecting genitalia, which shall recieve a thrashing, the likes of which have been only whispered in hushed voice in times of darkness. I have a lot of experience, both with annihilating ogres, and the finer points of pleasuring fair maidens, and like to be beaten with wet towels. I live at home with Mother, and you will have to sneak in through the basement window. This partnership boasts many advantages, such as an unlimited supply of Cheetos and Mountain Dew, and hot, steamy, hanky-panky with my massive member. Comic book lovers a plus.

I believe dreams can come true. I believe there's someone for everyone. I believe there's an island where JFK, Elvis, and Jimi Hendrix spend their retirement boozing, floozing, and shooting up. I believe in rainbows, leprechauns, and historical materialism. But I don't believe for a second that this guy has ever performed cunnilingus, has ever thrashed a genitalia besides his own, or has done anything with his penis besides coax it from beneath his giant rolls of fat so he can piss standing up without making a mess.

But that's just me, Biff Loman, reality's policeman.