She Doesn't Say She Misses Him, but You Can Hear It, the Longing in Pocahontas's Voice, and You Know

The Disney Princesses Talk about Chlamydia

Approximately one million cases of Chlamydia are reported to the Center for Disease Control each year. This startling statistic is comprised of a disproportionate number of teenage girls; young victims particularly susceptible to misinformation and often unaware of the high risks associated with certain behaviors. In an effort to protect our nation’s youth and empower them with knowledge, the CDC sought the perfect spokeswomen to reach these young girls before they came to harm. The Disney Princesses were the only logical choice given their staggering success selling shoes, dolls, dresses, pillowcases, sunglasses, posters, and other willy-nilly items. Now, the Disney Princesses offer their wisdom, compassion, and personal stories to today’s youth.

What Is Chlamydia?

Snow White: Chlamydia is a lot like swallowing a poisoned apple transformed through magic by a witch. Except, instead of a poisoned apple, it’s more like bacteria living on dirty dwarf cock.

Cinderella: The Chlamydia bacteria can grow in the throat, vagina, penis, or absolutely anywhere on that whore “Sleeps-Around Beauty.” Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, Aurora.

Pocahontas: Chlamydia is the only thing I still have from John Smith.