They're Not Teaching Kids Anything in School Today

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission on Thursday and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity. . . .

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said. . . .

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said.

This is not how normal people would respond to a young woman found masturbating on a one of their couches during dinner. Normal people respond to a young woman masturbating on a couch by proffering wine, lighting a few scented candles, putting on some soft music, reading erotic poetry from a Pillow Book softly into her ear -- anything to help set the mood and heighten the experience for her.

And then, normal people sell the couch on eBay to Japanese businessmen for a king's ransom.

I swear, kids today, they don't have the sense god gave a soft-core pornographer.