If the Siemens Machine Generates those Breasts to Do Every Load (Snicker: I Said, “Load”) of Laundry, It Is a Bargain at Any Price

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This is a European Siemens commercial for a $900 washing machine that features a bunch of bare-breasted women skydiving from a plane. Because, just like Jesus dictated to his secretary in Psalm 49: Large boobs sell large appliances.


If you're asking what large boobs have to do with washing clothes, then you, like me, don't know jack about getting your mentionables and unmentionables squeaky clean. You probably spent your time worrying about water temperature and degrees of agitation when you should have been worrying about nipples—lots of nipples (they're like the scrubbing bubbles of proper laundering)—cold, rushing wind, and just a touch of camel toe. Live and learn.

On the bright side, at least, now I know what it takes to get my brights their brightest and my whites their whitest.