It's True. You're Not a Whore if It's for Charity.

“It's that time of year again. It's November, the time of year where men everywhere are sprouting patchy, little lip sweaters for Mo-vember. Movember is a cause in which men grow mustaches to help fight testicular and prostate cancer.

But you know who also hates cancer? Women hate cancer.

• Cancer is a real a-hole.


• Cancer steals titties.


• Cancer steals balls.


• I saw Cancer kick a dog.


• Cancer loves Glen Beck and it hates nachos.


• Cancer gave me crabs, and didn't even call me back. Thanks alot, Cancer.

As a woman, what can I do?

• Most women can't grow a mustache—you know, I can't grow a full mustache.


• Sure, I can grow a beard and a few hairs on my boobs, but that's it.

Women can have sex with a guy who has a mustache. That's why Asylum.com has established the women's answer to Mo-vember—Have Sex with a Guy with a Mustache Day…You're not a whore if it's for charity. So women of the world, on November 18th, we ask you—we beg you!—bone down with a dude who has a mustache.

Together, we can eradicate cancer. Use your vagina to make a difference. Cancer doesn't stand a chance.

All right. Here's my sacrifice. Here's me throwing myself on the grenade, taking one for the team. If any ladies out there have trouble finding a mustachioed-American to bone down with, you can call me. I'll brush the crumbs off your cookie. Because that's the kind of guy I am—generous to a fault. One day, it'll be the end of me, but until then, I'll continue to do what I do. What can I say? I'm a giver.