An Open Letter to Overworked Parents Everywhere

Dear Overworked Mom and Pop,

While we can all agree that everything your child does is, indeed, as cute as homemade shoes, that he can create works of precious and adorable wonder with the skill of a Renaissance master, even you have to admit that his walking over to strangers' tables in restaurants and singing the chorus to Joan Osborne's "What if God Was One of Us" is one of his lesser works. It is so hard to appreciate, in fact, that I'm going to have to ask you to make him stop, before some Philistine misinterprets the work and kills him.

Thanking you in advance,