The Saddest Sentence I've Read Today -- "Doctors Were Unable To Re-Attach the Organ" -- Preceded by the Funniest

A jilted woman today admitted ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her ex-boyfriend, 37-year-old Geoffrey Jones, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party.

She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That's yours."

Let that be a lesson to you kids out there: Always sleep with your drunken ex-.

Oh, and stay in school.