Virginia Is for Lovers (Bigots and Prudes)

"If you want to show your underwear in your private home, I don't have any objections," said Del. Algie T. Howell Jr., a Norfolk Democrat who has filed legislation that would levy a $50 fine on anyone who "exposes his below-waist undergarments in an offensive manner."

"In an offensive manner"?! Could you vague that up a bit?

Personally, I don't want to see your your boxers, briefs, your boy shorts, panties, or thongs, either. Neither, do I want to see the crack of your ass. That's just me. I don't like it, but, that said, I'm not offended by it.

Even if I were, I'd be against banning that stuff on sheer principle. For one, I believe being offended is part of the public experience. It begins almost as soon as you leave your private area. You see other people. Offense ensues. That's what the public is all about, commingling with equally offensive others.

I get that. Truth be told, I actually enjoy it; watching my fellows citizens making fools of themselves makes me happy.

What I don't enjoy is watching a state legislator trying to tell me and you — mostly you — what we can wear and how we can wear it. That pisses me off.

I'm not even going to get into the proposed laws that target a specific minority.

I'll just request that whoever has been pissing in Grandpa Howell's Metamucil stop it. It's beginning to affect his work.