I Need an Alias. I Know: I'll Use My Porn Star Name -- Ron Mexico

This is a personal injury action in which Plaintiff Sonya Elliott alleges that as the proximate result of the negligence, tortious and willful misconduct of Defendant Michael Vick, Plainfiff Elliott was unknowingly infected, is presently infected, and will be infected into the future with the Herpres Simplex 2 virus, ..., and has suffered and will continue for the foreseeable future to suffer personal injuries and damages, including but not limited to medical bills and expenses, economic losses, physical and mental pain and suffering, and loss of full enjoyment of life.

Really?! Loss of full enjoyment of life?! Are they sure? I mean, in the Valtrex commercials, they make it seem like medicated Herpes is more fun than the sex acts that transmit it, so much fun, in fact, that I've been trying to get my hands and nethers on the virus and that virus fighter for years, to no avail.

Well, I guess I can stop trying now, now that I know the great viral good time is a myth.

But, what will I do now with my weekends?