If HBO's Oz Is a Fair Portrayal of What Goes On behind Bars, His Already Bad Day Is about To Get Worse

A high-speed police chase ended in the children's clothing department of the Unicity Wal-Mart with a male suspect in handcuffs, a T-shirt, a G-string and little else.

The suspected car theif's physique got failing marks from cashiers who saw the man dash into the store about 11:40 a. m.

"I saw his ass and it wasn't cute," said a woman named Vicki who did not want to give her last name.

It's not that I don't trust her judgment. Having spent her working hours watching the American public moo through the Wal-Mart turnstiles, I'm sure she knows from ass. It's just that I trust the boys on the cell block more.

Until we hear from them, the debate should remain open. This guys should be able to cling to the possibility that he possesses one sweet, piece of jail meat. It's only fair. Or, as they say in law enforcement, it ain't over till the half-naked new guy sings.