"Damn, These Pickle Jars Are Cold." "Yeah, Deep, Too."

Now, why Dan would need such a book is beyond me. He's the only person I've ever met who washes all his groceries when he gets home from the store. Not the produce--the glass and plastic containers. 'You never know who's touched them,' he tsk'd me.

(It turns out he was right, because the next time I went grocery shopping, I did witness two drunken, homeless gentlemen stuffing steaks down their pants and relieving themselves on the pickle jars.)"

That? You mean, the fire and smoke. Oh, it's nothing -- just my pantry and freezer. I soaked them in kerosene and set them ablaze a little while ago. Ignore them. They'll burn out soon.