I, Monkey

According to Chinese lore, 'ink monkeys' were an itty-bitty variety of primate trained to mix ink, pass brushes, and turn pages. After a rough calligraphy session with, say, the 12th-century idealist philosopher Zhu Xi (who was said to keep a particularly loyal little buddy), these highly intelligent monkeys would bed down in a desk drawer or brush jar overnight, ready to pop back up like furry, 7-oz. versions of the Windows paper clip. ('It looks like you're writing the Confucian canon. Would you like help?') Scholars fed their ink monkeys peanuts and soybeans. And while their classic works survive, ink monkeys are said to have died out, lovable, undernourished, and overworked: miniature interns with tails.

Actually, that sounds a lot like what I do now. (Please don't stare at my tail: I'm sensitive.)