The Onion: Why Somebody Always Around Every Time I Drop My Baby?

I love my baby so bad. I don't wanna smack him around. His older sister, Rywanda, that's the one I wanna fuckin' take down once in a while. But only 'cause she don't behave, not 'cause I like to hit my babies for no reason.

Besides, it wouldn't of happened if he hadn't been leaning over trying to grab that jingly-jangly thing off the toy shelf. I had him in my right arm and he, like, let go of my shoulder and was arching his back and spreading his arms, and I got my other hand on the grocery cart, so all a sudden he topples over! Like, that's fuckin' wack! Don't he know I can't watch his ass every second?

I've only dropped 'Drae maybe four times.

I love The Onion.