The Doctor Is In

I'm a man in my early 30s and I have never been in a serious relationship. I started seeing a therapist to 'get to the bottom' of my relationship problems, and her opinion is that they may stem from an incident that happened years ago. I was raised by a single mom. When I was about 15 years old, she went through a very bad breakup, and while I was comforting her, we wound up having intercourse.

- The Good Son

One, "while I was comforting her" does nothing to ameliorate having intercourse with your mother. Keep that in mind for the next time you recount that story.

Two, you were 15, had sex with your mother, and you didn't immediately kill yourself?! Please accept my deepest bow, Good Son-san. Your Denial Fu is greater than my own.

Next letter, please.

After a fun-filled night, my wife and a group of friends decided to call it a night. . . . A couple of hours after everyone passed out, my wife woke up to the sounds of Wilbur undressing in front of the couch I was sleeping on. He then started masturbating over my feet while working his asshole. Horrified, my wife did not know what to do. He finished in his sock (not on me), and went back to his couch. I was told of the incident the next day.

One, "horrified" can't possibly capture the emotions of that moment. Get a thesaurus. Try again.

Two, your wife watched your friend pleasure himself into a sock, and -- horrified though she was -- after reflecting upon events and their significance, decided "Fuck it. This can wait till morning"?! Oh, yeah, that one's a keeper.