"Uncle Tom's Crabbin'" (with Alll Apologies to the Daily Show)

The Supreme Court struck down President Bush's plan to hold military tribunals for foreign terror suspects at the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, naval base, saying Bush exceeded his authority by setting up the trial system without authorization from Congress.

In a 5-3 vote Thursday that brought a dramatic end to the court's annual term, the justices said Bush's plan — which would not allow a defendant to see all of the evidence against him or attend all court hearings — lacks enough protections for detainees. The court said the plan violated the U.S. Military Code of Justice and the Geneva Conventions dealing with prisoners of war. . . .

Justice Clarence Thomas then read a separate dissent, noting that never before in his 15 years on the court had he been provoked by a majority opinion to announce his dissent from the bench.

"That guy's a fucking justice?!" said an incredulous Justice Samuel Alito, expressing the impression of a 5-4 minority of the Bench (which consisted of himself, Chief Justice John Roberts, Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, and, surprisingly, Justice Thomas, himself). "I thought he was part of the serving staff."

He added in a separate statement, "I guess I'll have to find someone else to shine my shoes. Oh, I don't?! Thanks, Tommy. You're all right. What? Call you 'Clarence'? Oh, okay, if you insist."