My Friends Send Me Email**
I have set aside $10,000 in an interest-bearing account for this purpose so it will not be a financial burden on my family. Also, I've attached a list of prospective female bodies, chiefly professional models. I will routinely update this list until I am no longer physically or mentally able to surf the Internet.
Should the money prove insufficient for one of the candidates on this primary list, I will accept a local amateur from a secondary list detailed in my will. But I insist she still be held to the same requirements as for the professionals: First, she should be willing to strip down all the way and allow my cremated remains to fall upon her supple body. Second, I would like a redhead. Third, her proportions should be pleasing, but not outlandish. I don't want my funeral to turn into a circus sideshow—the focus, after all, should be on the man I was, how I chose to live my life, and how I want to be remembered. Therefore, for bra size, I would like a maximum of 36D and a minimum of 34B. A fair portion of my remains should be cast between the woman's breasts, so she should be able to create a respectable amount of cleavage without the help of a bra.
**For god's sake, people, I told you this already. Pay attention. (Thanks for the email, Law Guy)
posted by Biff Loman at 2:17 PM
4 Comments:
Since I have made a similarly odd request about the dispersement of my own ashes, I can certainly understand his feelings.
One, I can't believe you consider his request odd; two, what are you having done with your ashes; and, three, tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me.
Please.
In public?
Well, I guess I could make myself all pretty, fly down to San Diego, and ply you with drinks and the old Loman charm until you talked, but that seems a little much, don't you think? Or is your request that good?
In which case, tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me,tell me.
Please.
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