This Is Your Internet on Straight

The next time you're counting the levels of wrong, you'll know you're getting close to the bottom—near Wrong Hell—when you see something like that. Just. So. Very. Wrong.

It's also a good argument for gay people—because this is what the world would be like if style and sexual mores were determined by the Straight side of the culture.

Remember that. And the next time you catch someone gay-bashing, act. Stop them. Don't think. But if you must think, think this: “That person just bashed us one step closer to Xanadu.” and do what your heart tells you.

P.S. When I was a lad, Olivia Newton John could send my mind racing to naughty places and send my penis into a state of rigidity that opened up new areas of theoretical physics and materials science. [footnote forthcoming] Times, apparently, have changed. Halfway through that clip of Olivia in her heyday, my penis yelped and ran away.

If you see it, send it home. Tell it I miss it and have learned to love it even more in this brief absence.

And don't worry about approaching it: It's had all of its shots and is very friendly toward strangers.