If You Ever See Me “Up in da' Club” in Iowa, Shoot Me. I'd Do It for You
I arrive looking good,
And thankfully,
My pants do stretch,
Which allow me to be
Free on the dance floor, but not a cheap date.
I put the body glitter on 'cause I never hesitate.
My master plan is to shock and then tease,
Break every heart, then bust my knees,
Proving and grooving my brand new dance
Might just be the greatest in the land.
Then, the crowd says [maniacal laughter],
When I do my Scissor Kicks.
And then the crowd screams “Oooh”
When I do my Lady Flips. …
Stomp once to hear Britney,
Twice for Byoncé
Now, three times if you want to hear me get nasty.
Now, I am not a violent man, but I swear by everything Holy and Divine in your world and mine that if anyone out there so much as twitches in a slightly stomp-ish fashion, I'll find you, and I'll kill you even if it takes me the rest of my life.
posted by Biff Loman at 3:10 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you for expanding our horizons in such fascinating ways.
Oh yeah, absolutely no twitching going on here. . . until I read the threat.
Reenee, I swear if you twitch so much as a smidge, I'll turn this blog around and go home. And if you think I'm bluffing, young lady, you just try me.
Oh, I see. I'm going to have to get the riding crop out for you, aren't I?
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