For Their Sakes, I Pray He Isn't the “Lone Deviant.” Not Even the People of Nebraska Deserve Lives of Such Quiet Desperation

Police have arrested a man suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints on the windows of stores, churches and schools in a small Nebraska town. A 35-year-old man was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning, Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said Friday. The man hasn't been charged yet, but authorities believe he is the vandal some townsfolk have dubbed the “Butt Bandit.”

Beginning in spring of 2007, a mystery vandal visited businesses at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly, and while police had earlier worried copycat criminals were getting involved, Scott said they now believe it's “the act of a lone deviant.”


Well, we won't know until someone fingers him in the line-up. Rimshot.

Thank you. Unfortunately for you, I'm here all week. Try the veal.