"Major Strasser Has Been Shot. Round Up the Usual Suspects."

BARABOO, WI--Sauk County Sheriff Virgil "Butch" Steinhorst announced Tuesday that he believes a recent rash of a Baraboo-area crimes was perpetrated by the al-Qaeda terrorist network or teenagers.

"In this day and age, it's important for law-enforcement officials to consider global threats as well as local ones," Steinhorst said. "We could be dealing with an al-Qaeda sleeper cell attempting to collect information that they could use to plan a terrorist strike or some of those goth kids who knocked over that mailbox. Neither group has any respect for the law." --The Onion | Local Sheriff Suspects Al-Qaeda Or Teens

It's funny because it's true.