I'm Lovin' It, Possibly, Too Much

"We're going after companies with an enormous brand name where there is also a likelihood of finding the 'girl next door' who has the potential to become a model," said John Thomas, editor of Playboy.com.

The problem won't be finding "girls next door." The problem will be finding women next door, as models for "adult reading (ha, ha, good one)" mags have to be over 18.

And that's the really sad part &mdash isn't it? &mdash that there's someone over 18 working at McDonald's with enough dignity left to squander on this. Nothing this sad has come my way since I was a kid and discovered that Babar's mother was shot.

Of course, some of you are sympathizing with the corporate giant--see, "false consciousness" &mdash and thinking, McDonald's has got to put a stop to this. Don't worry. They'll do everything in their power to do just that. I mean, I have it on good authority that Ray Croc, founder and Grimace model, was buried in a brown, polyester thong with a golden arch in the back, his last and truest love. Word on the street is, he wanted to make the McThong the new lower half of the franchise's uniform. That's when Corporate decided to put him down. They'll squash this, too.

Good authority, I say.