"It's Good To Be the King"

[S]ometimes King Oyo's lack of enthusiasm for the role is rather hard not to see. Some observers said his face seemed glum last month at the anniversary of his coronation, which along with his birthday is celebrated with much pomp among the Toro.

Weeks before the big day there is a cleaning of everything in the palace. When the anniversary arrives, his subjects gather and King Oyo is presented with the royal ax, the royal bow and arrows and the royal sword. The royal troupe plays drums and royal flutes.

There is a milking of the royal cows, which is performed, as one might expect, by royal milkmen. At one point, King Oyo must stride around the grounds, although palace functionaries scurry ahead of him to ensure that his feet touch straw mats and not the earth.

That sounds a lot like my childhood if you substitute suburban items for the goats and troupe and so on and put in "his parents'" everywhere you see "royal" in Oyo's tale, i.e. "King Biff lived in his parents' house, ate his parents' food, drove his parents' Pinto station wagon, spent his parents' money, and complained openly about life under his parents' thumb." If memory serves me, I was glum most of the time, too, and my lack of enthusiasm for my role was hard not to see, as well.

Of course, I didn't have a royal publicist. A royal publicist could have made it all tolerable.

Functionaries would've been nice, too.