"Where Are All These 'Loose Women' My Pastor Keeps Warning Me About?"

I'll bet I could resist a loose woman, no problem, if I could ever find one. Sometimes, I imagine myself resisting as many as three or four at a time. Abraham was commanded by the Good Lord Himself to sacrifice his own son as a trial of his faith, and Abraham almost did it, too, before the Lord stayed his hand and told him he'd passed the test. Well, if Abraham's faith was as strong as that, you'd think the least the Good Lord could do is send me one loose woman and see how I stand up in a real-life test of faith.

Just a couple of loose women, leaning lasciviously on the hood of a sports car or something, like in my cousin's hot-rod magazines, would be more than enough for me to feel my faith had been adequately proven before the Lord.

I use to get my faith tested regularly by loose women, but not so much any more. Because of my consistently failing scores (highest, 37), the Powers that Be stopped sending them around. I guess, I was throwing off the curve.

So keep looking, young Christian. They're out there.