It's All Fun and Games until Someone Loses an Eye [Insert Law & Order Sound Here]

Your Honor, Biff Loman for the defendant.

Your Honor, the defense stipulates that my client did, indeed, throw the dildo at the victim and that she did suffer injuries as a result of the throw. What we disagree with is the State's conclusion on why he threw the device.

Whereas the State argues that the victim's blurred vision, bleeding, and consequent stitches are evidence of my client's abusive nature and actions, we contend the blurred vision, bleeding, and stitches are evidence of a consensual sex act and my client's poor aim.

Yes, Your Honor, that is the best we could come up with.

Yes, Your Honor, my client is prepared to go to jail today.

Your Honor, would now be a good time to throw ourselves on the mercy of the court?