"Without Good Rectal Health, You Have Nothing" -- Kevin Smith

Once in the examination room, I was joined by the doc, who was much younger than I’d imagined he would be. I told him about my symptoms, and he told me to drop trou and get up on the table, laying on my side, in that colonic position I’d come to know over the last few years. Prepared for a probing finger or camera tool of some sort to intrude upon the soleace (or sole-ass) of my rear end, I was shocked when he merely opened my ass cheeks a bit, let ‘em close again, then stood up and said “Alright, we’re done.”

...“In a few weeks,” he said. “You’ll feel 50% better.”

I was quietly outraged.... 50% better in a few weeks?! I don’t wanna hear about anything less than 100% better in a few hours, if not “After I tap you with this magic wand, your asshole will not only be instantly healed, but from now on, it’ll periodically release a pleasant scent that’s a natural aphrodisiac.”

If we ever met, I believe I would have to call him "Brother."