"Son, Go Outside and Pick Me Out a Switch. And While You're Out There, Fire Up the Generator"

As a young, new, Christian parent, Meggan Judge, 26, of Anchorage, Alaska, was looking for guidance in raising 'Godly children.' She found advice that clicked for her when a friend loaned her a popular -- and controversial -- Christian parenting book called 'To Train Up a Child,' written in 1994 by Tennessee pastor Michael Pearl with his wife, Debi, who claim to have raised five 'whineless' children. . . .

Neither Pearl has advanced training in child development or a related field. "These truths," the tall, white-beaded Michael Pearl, 60, writes in his book, "are not new, deep insights from the professional world of research, [but] rather, the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules, the same technique God uses to train his children."

As you may have guessed, the Amish do not train their mules by giving them "timeouts."

And as you also may have guessed, the Pearls were able to raise "whineless" kids, because their children have stumps for tongues, having bitten them off while discipline dancing on the end of their parents' cattle prod, set to High. So while it is true that trained-up children, properly raised, don't whine (after a few sessions), you should note that they do tend to whimper, shake violently, and crap themselves.

And they bide their time. You might want to consider that.