No? What about from This Angle?

A Northeast Portland man is suing basketball superstar Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for a combined $832 million. Allen Heckard filed the suit himself, June 29th in Washington County Court. Heckard says he's been mistaken as Michael Jordan nearly every day over the past 15 years and he’s tired of it. "“I'm constantly being accused of looking like Michael and it makes it very uncomfortable for me,"” said Heckard. Heckard is suing Jordan for defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering. HeÂ's suing Knight for defamation and permanent injury for promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world.

. . . The question remains -- is the occasional confusion with an admired celebrity worth $800 million?

I sure hope so, because I look just like Denzel Washington. Okay, I look like Denzel Washington would look if he were in a car accident and got his face ripped apart by the Jaws of Life, the result of a botched first attempt by the EMTs to remove his smoldering remains the mangled wreckage. Still, . . . . Not a day goes by that someone doesn't say, "You know what? You look like a burned and disfigured Denzel Washington who's been bingeing on Oreos, only shorter."

I can't tell you what that does to a man. I can, however, tell you it does -- hmm, let's see (carry the 2) -- yeah, $800 million worth of it.