In Case of Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?

He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom 'Saved by the Bell.' But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a 'Dirty Sanchez.'

I'm sorry: I want to comment on the "Dirty Sanchez," but I can't get beyond the part where Screech is in a three-way with two women.

Obviously, the world is ending. Repent while you still can.