Your Answers May Vary

Why the Citizenship Test pops up only when there's an immigration debate is beyond my understanding. Anyhoo, I took the exam just for fun.

1. How many changes or amendments are there to the Constitution? The constitution changes each time a judge hears a case. You've been warned.

2. How many voting members are in the House of Representatives? 435, but most of them are too busy raising funds for re-election to bother.

3. What were the original 13 states? Fortunate the French could not foresee a day in which America referred to them as cheese-eating, surrender monkeys.

4. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?' A prisoner in Gitmo, but he was quickly water-boarded into amending his declaration to be "Could someone help me? I've crapped myself."

5. Who was the main writer of the Declaration of Independence? John Locke, but since he isn't American, he gets little credit.

6. Who becomes President of the United States if the president and the vice-president should die? That's too frightening a proposition to think about.

7. What do the stripes on the flag mean? We will not be under-sold.

8. Who has the power to declare war? Technically, the Congress, but those pussies haven't used that power since WWII. Thankfully, we've managed without them just fine.

9. Which countries were our enemies during World War II? They all were, but only Italy, Germany and Japan had the guts to admit it. [Sorry. I was channelling Patton there, for a minute.]

10. In what year was the Constitution written? I'm sorry: Could you rephrase that into a question whose answer isn't "Who gives a shit?" I'm trying to run a family blog, here.

11. What are the first 10 amendments to the Constitution called? A farce or, at least, that's what they've been called for the past 6 years.

12. Name one purpose of the United Nations. U.S. Whipping Boy.

13. Whose rights are guaranteed by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights? All persons living within the borders of a Con-Law example.

14. For how long do we elect each senator? A senator's term lasts until the press discovers him in bed with a live goat or a dead hooker.

15. Name a right guaranteed by the First Amendment. I would, but I'm afraid the government might be listening.

So, how'd I do?