Conversely, You Could Eat Sashimi Off a Woman's Nude Body and Get Lap Dances until Your Root Is Rubbed Raw. The Results of Not Praying Varies Widely

An early-morning tornado killed at least nine people in Columbus County northwest of Wilmington, ripping mobile homes from their foundations and sending cars flying through the woods. . . .

"It was like if you hadn't said your prayers," said Bob High, a photographer with The News-Reporter in Whiteville. . . ."

It was exactly like that, like they hadn't said their prayers. So let that be a lesson to all you kids out there: Say your prayers or God will send a tornado to your trailer park to kill you, because that's how He rolls.