I Had Two Arteries Clog Just from Looking at the Picture

So it was hamburger night at home, and I stopped by the Numero Uno market to get some tortillas for general kitchen supply, and I picked up some additional items for burger night, and things kind of got out of hand. See the notes for details on the various layers.

There are two keys to making and eating a burger like this successfully:

1) Proper burger meat - a proper burger, IMHO, is made with ground chuck, in a cast iron pan. The beef should be 25% or so fat by weight, lean beef or sirloin are inappropriate. And it should be damn near raw in the center.

2) Proper hand technique - once you pick this unstable tower up, maintinence of it's structural stability has transferred from gravity, adhesion and friction to your grip. Once you establish your kung fu grip on it, squeezing it down to mouth size, you must maintain that grip until there is nothing left to eat but sides and drippings.

Believe it or not, this is only the second most amazing food sight I've had the pleasure to take in in the new year.

The first? Why, thank you for asking. The morning of January 1st, I was sitting in my favorite ba. . . brunch spot when this guy came in and ordered, "Whiskey-side of bacon back -- extra crisp." I'm crappin' you negative: Two fingers of Wild Turkey and a side of bacon. (Let me note that, one, I was the only person in the place that batted an eye at his order and, two, the bartender knew exactly what he was ordering and rang it right in.)

When the bacon arrived, Dude -- henceforth, referred to as Sensei -- began alternately sipping his whiskey, dipping a strip of bacon into the glass, as if the whiskey were a condiment, and taking a bite. By the second dip of bacon, there was an Exxon Valdez-like oil slick floating on the bourbon. I almost shit myself in wonder. I'd never seen such a pure and blessed thing.

The Mega Hamburger One does come close, though. Do yourself a favor. Go directly to the Flickr site to view the real thing. It contains a description of all the layers. If you think it's awesome now, wait until you see what's in it -- layer upon layer of heart-stopping goodness. Trust me: you can only get to "Great Googlely" from the above screen shot. If you want the "Mooglely" too (you want it; you know you want it), you've got to go to the Flickr page.