Because No One Likes a Fuzzy Lollipop

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. . . .

So I pull one of the thin strips out. . . .

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. . . .

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!! !

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

But it's worth it. I mean nothing turns a guy off like. . . Well, nothing turns a guy off. There are just various shades of being turned on.

One shade is the crotch that looks like Don King is crowning. This shade is not as appealing as one might think. It's definitely not as appealing as the well-maintained, pubic topiary shade or even the bald shade, but, the truth is, even the Don King, we can work with.

In fact, if you're a women of a certain stripe (for me -- and I probably don't have to spell this out at this point -- that stripe is of the Monica Bellucci kind), Don King could actually be crowning, and you would still find men willing to work with you.

But if you need to torture yourselves to fit in with the with the other girls, we understand.

Oh, and thanks.