Come on, Lad. It's Just a Little Metastic Bone Tumor. No Need to Go On about It

The actor Hugh Grant has been arrested over an allegation that he assaulted a paparazzi photographer with a tub of baked beans. . . .

Grant allegedly kicked Mr Whittaker three times before kneeing him in the groin. He then picked up a family-sized tub of beans and chucked them at the photographer. . . .

He told the paper: "As Grant was laying into me he asked: 'Do you have kids?'

"When I told him I had two he snarled: 'I hope they die of fucking cancer'."

It's true what they say. Anything said with a British accent sounds classy.