I've Read the Bible. I Don't Recall It Having Said, "Thou Hasethn't Lived until Thou Hast Molested a Multitude of Boys

(Not an actual monk: Sorry. I was looking for monk pictures and got distracted. My bad.)

One of five monks facing charges of sexually abusing children told authorities that an inner circle of monks at the monastery there had sex with one another, smoked marijuana and used an eyedropper to produce fake tears on a Virgin Mary icon.

The allegations are the latest revelation into life at The Christ of the Hills monastery, in Blanco, Texas, which was allied with the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia from 1991 to 1999.


The church broke ties with the monastery when allegations surfaced of indecency by San Antonio-businessman-turned-monk Samuel Greene with an 11-year-old novice monk studying there. . . .

In July, monk Hugh Brian Fallon detailed to investigators some of the activities going on at the monastery. That statement was released by court order last month.

The monks claimed that a Virgin Mary icon wept tears of myrrh, but those tears came from an eyedropper Greene kept in his nightstand, Fallon said. . . .

Last year, the insurance company for the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia settled a claim by a man who says he was abused as a teenager at the monastery.

It's called a Buggery rider, and if you're a member of the clergy and you don't have one already, you, my friend, are ministering without a net. Practicing your faith, knowing that the next young male through the door could not only defrock you of your chastity, your Grace, and your soul, but your financial future as well, that takes big cajones. (No, I would not like to go into the confessional with you to see them.) It's also unnecessary. If you're going to drop trou -- and, let's face it, you're going to -- cover your ass. Get the insurance.

You'll be glad you did.