I'm a Guy, but Still, Even I Doubled Over in Sympathy when I Read That

A midwife has been struck off after being found guilty of pulling a woman's umbilical cord so hard that she was dragged down her bed.

A disciplinary hearing of the Nursing and Midwifery Council yesterday found 46-year-old London midwife Cecilia Wanayana Kituma guilty of misconduct.

Said Ms. Kituma, "I followed the manual to the letter. I tied the umbilical cord to the doorknob and slammed the door shut -- or, at least, I tried to slam it shut -- but after the third try (and the third time of dodging that rebounding door) it was apparent to me that sucker wasn't coming out through normal means. Given the means at my disposal, I really don't see what else I could have done.

"All I can say is, it's childbirth, you know? Things get a little rough."