Well, if the Guards Are Going to Dress like That, There's Going to Be Sins of Onan Going On in the Cells. In Fact, Excuse Me a Minute. . .

It is a verdict likely to cause great consternation to lonely prisoners throughout the US penal system. A prisoner in Florida has been found guilty of indecent exposure for masturbating alone in his cell.

Terry Lee Alexander, 20, of Lauderdale Lakes, Florida, was sentenced to a further 60 days in jail on top of the 10-year term he is currently serving for armed robbery, the Miami Herald reported yesterday.

He was prosecuted after a female sheriff's office deputy witnessed him performing the sex act in his cell in Broward County, Florida, last November.

The case drew sniggers from the courtroom as prospective jurors were questioned about their own masturbatory habits and the only witness was asked whether she had considered calling in a Swat team to tackle the defendant.

That's probably what it would have taken to stop me from masturbating at that age.

But for the record, they can stop a guy from masturbating alone in his cell, but they can't stop 3 or 4 guys from gang raping a guy in the shower, even though a guard is standing within ball-tickling reach of the offender? Good to know.

Oh, American justice, you are a fickle mistress.