I Saw His Last Movie. I Hope She Rides Him Bareback at an Unsafe Speed, so He Can Know What that Experience Was Like

Madge was spotted leaving London's Claridges Hotel yesterday carrying around the Purple Penetrator strap-on. Most likely this is being used on Guy Richie, but Madge should consider letting Guy use it on her. Bitch is uptight and needs a little loosening up. Maybe that will make her fun again. Yeah, probably not. Even the Tower of London being shoved up her ass couldn't loosen it up.

Poor Guy, but judging by the look on his face he knows what's coming next.

Poor Guy? The dude married Madonna. You marry Madonna, you've got to know that after the kids are asleep, you're playing more games of "Guess What This Is" than Bridge.

Actually, given the household, I'm guessing when the kids are awake, they are involved. Seriously, how many times do you think Guy's heard this conversation:

"You've got small hands. Lube up to your elbows and see if you can get the pepper grinder out of your dad's bum.

"Does that look like the pepper grinder to you? Go back in and don't pull out until you've got it.

"Nice try, but mommy needs the blue one."

That would explain why he's toting that bottle of scotch.

While we're on the subject, what do you think's in the box? I'm guessing it's an assortment of gags and balls and leather chewies for him to bite down on while the Purple Penetrator shows him the love, but I'm prepared to be wrong.