That Man Is Now a CFO for a Major Softdrink Company

My freshman year in the dorm, there was a guy on the floor above me whose masturbatory and laundry habits left him with a flat sheet we referred to as the Shroud of Semen. I'm told that if you smoked pot before looking at the stain patterns, you would see your death. I wouldn't know about that. I do know that around mid-term it had developed the consistency of papadum, and crinkled so loudly when he crawled into bed at night that it made the baby jebus cry, which would wake his roommate.

True story.

I don't know why I thought of that.