For the Law Guy, Possibly the Only Person Who Loves Jackie Chiles More than I Do

A man who punched an eight-year-old trick-or-treater in the face has been given a suspended prison sentence and told to pay compensation.

Christopher Eslick, 61, of Plymouth, Devon, pleaded guilty to the common assault outside his home at Halloween.

He had put a “no trick-or-treat” poster up and lashed out when the boy called.

Eslick was given a two-month prison sentence suspended for a year, ordered to do 80 hours of community service and told to pay the victim £150.

The boy was one of a number of young people to have called at Eslick's home despite the poster.

[Setting: Jackie Chile's Office]

(Christopher Eslick is sitting across from Jackie)

Jackie: So you're sitting in your home, you're with your friend, minding your own business?

Eslick: Yeah.

Jackie: Then what happened?

Eslick: Then this trick-or-treater knocks at my door, and he's asking for candy.

Jackie: Candy? He didn't see the sign?

Eslick: No. So I got pissed off, and I slugged him.

Jackie: Well how would you describe this kid? Would you say he was literate?

Eslick: Oh, yeah.

Jackie: So we got a literate kid, wearing a mask, ignoring signs, walkin' around disturbing people in their homes on Halloween night. He's flouting society's conventions!

Eslick: Oh, he was flouting.

Jackie: That's totally inappropriate. It's rude, crude, heinous,
outrageous!

Eslick: He was totally ignoring my sign!

Jackie: Now when you put up the sign, did you notice if it was visible? Were you able to see it in a normal fashion?

Eslick: No, now, that I think about it, I wasn't able to see it in a normal fashion.

Jackie: Hm Hm. All right, all right.

Eslick: Well, I think I had to squint.

Jackie: O.K. You had to squint. Nothing wrong with that.

Eslick: Yeah, now is that going to be a problem?

Jackie: Yeah that's going to be a problem. It's gonna' be a problem for them.

This is a clear infringement on your constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.

Eslick: It's definitely preposterous.

Jackie: Now, did you make the sign or did the police make the sign?

Eslick: No. They made the sign.

Jackie: (To secretary over intercom) Suzie. I want you to go down to the police station.

Get me a “No Trick-or-Treating” sign. (To Eslick) We're gonna' run some tests on that sign.

Eslick: So, ah, what do you think Mr. Chiles?

Jackie: Jackie.

Eslick: Jackie. I mean, do we have a chance?

Jackie: Do we have a chance? You get me one cranky, old bastard on that jury, you gonna' walk outta' there a rich man.