Actually, “Be Here when I Get Back” Is Your Cue to Exit

A 21-year-old man was shot in the groin and upper left leg about 11:55 p.m. Friday at a North Toledo bar after a bouncer told the man he couldn't enter, police said.

Lamar Allen … was taken to St. Vincent Mercy Medical Center…

Police said Mr. Allen and two other men went to Marteds Cafe, 2853 Lagrange St. Police said that Mr. Allen was not allowed in because he did not have valid identification and a witness told police, he was recognized as being part of a disturbance on New Year's Eve.

Police said Mr. Allen began to yell and push his way in and punched the bouncer who tried to stop him.

Afterward, a witness heard several gun shots.


According to a security consultant, “The best bouncers are personable, friendly, and can talk to people without appearing threatening or intimidating. … The best bouncers don't bounce anyone…they manage people.”

My cousin Reggie ran a nightclub in Chicago, and one night he was called to the door to help his bouncers managers handle a customer who was demanding to see “someone in charge.” Unruly nightclub patrons being what they are, this section of the story ends with my cousin getting punched, the two men—my cousin and the fine Chicago gentleman—being separated by the managers, and my cousin hissing at the man, “You be here when I get back.”

Point of information: if there's one sentence you can count on to be absent from the conclusion of a Loman Family story, it is this one: “Luckily, cooler heads prevailed.”

So, it's amazing to me that the guy waited.

He must have come from a family where good things always came to he that waited, a clan life filled with rainbows, cotton candy, and unicorns that kissed your ouch-ies away. That's not where I come from.

Knife fights break out at Loman family funerals. That considered, on the spectrum of possible conflict resolution outcomes, count to 10, collect oneself, and return, ready to hug the problem out is diametrically opposed to anything a Loman is likely to do.

Let's just say, the bouncer in Toledo, mentioned above, could be related to me.