And a Chill Goes Down Al Green's Spine

52-year-old Maverna Theresa Turay of Bradenton, FL was arrested at her home yesterday because she poured a pot of boiling hot water on her husband's crotch area! Maybe she was in the mood for some hot dick?

Maverna told police that she thinks her husband has been cheating on her ass, so she busted a hot load on his groin while he slept. She also admitted that she had been boozing before the incident. Maverna didn't need to say that. Her glazed eyes already confirmed that little tidbit.

She was charged with aggravated domestic battery. Her husband is in fair condition at a local hospital.

Maverna didn't let a little thing called “getting arrested” get in the way of a hot mug shot. This is how you do it. Yes, Maverna knows that she's about to spend the night on the concrete floor of a jail cell, where prostitutes and junkies will probably try and sit on her face. She knows all of this, but she's going to smile for her mug shot like she means it.

Nothing says “I burned my husband's dick and I don't give an eff” like a smiley mug shot.


The dude got lucky. In the South—not Florida—generally, they use hot grits instead of water, and in Fayetteville, NC, where I'm from, they put lye in the grits, so not only does the lying-cheating-bastard salve stick to the suspect, it chemically burns him as well. From then on, every woman he's fortunate enough to sleep with knows that in the past, he cheated on a lover(s).

Which is why in my hometown the men aren't shy about telling you, if you have to cheat on a girlfriend, make sure you cheat on your white girlfriend. The Sisters? Not so much. That's a lesson for all you cheating kids out there.

Because that's who I blog for—the kids.